As a nation, we recently celebrated our Independence Day. For an amazing 250 years, we have preserved our freedom and the God-given rights on which our country was founded. Throughout our history, we have fought to protect that independence.
On a personal level, however, independence means something different for each of us. What independence looks like for one person may be very different for another. The adage, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child…” comes from 1 Corinthians 13:11 and reminds us that we leave childish behaviors and dependencies behind as we mature. That does not mean we leave our relationships behind. We can remain connected while still becoming independent. The process simply looks different depending on each person’s circumstances.
Mental illness, for example, can delay or even prevent a young adult’s journey toward independence. Dreams of autonomy and future plans may change dramatically when mental illness enters the picture. I was surprised to learn the startling statistic that 75% of mental illnesses begin by age 24. That is a difficult reality to accept. The article explores brain development and the factors that contribute to the onset of mental illness between the ages of 14 and 24.
Determining how much independence to allow a loved one with mental illness is a delicate balance. There are times when someone struggling with mental illness may distance themselves from family or even cut ties completely. This can be heartbreaking for those who love them. For adults over the age of 18, obtaining the legal authority to help may become a significant challenge, depending on the diagnosis and circumstances. Every situation is different because mental illnesses vary in type and severity.
Senior citizens also struggle with the thought of losing their independence. Advertisements constantly remind us of the many options available today- from senior living communities and home safety products to in-home care services. As the article illustrates, elderly care has evolved significantly over the years.
For families, especially those who do not live nearby, concerns about an aging loved one’s ability to remain independent can be overwhelming. I have experienced those difficult conversations with elderly family members as they became more frail. Although these discussions come from a place of love and concern, they are not always received that way. The person at the center of the conversation may feel overwhelmed or even ganged up on and still wish to live alone despite evidence that doing so may no longer be safe.
A good friend and I have often discussed when we would choose to move into a senior living community, or whether we would stay in our own homes until the very end. These are healthy conversations to have, but they should also include a contingency plan in case life does not unfold as we expect.
Calm, the meditation and sleep app, offers 10 ways to become more self-reliant. I believe we all deserve the opportunity to care for ourselves and develop healthy independence. I also encourage you to reread Mark 12:30–31. In these verses, Jesus reminds us to love the Lord with all our heart and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Loving ourselves in a healthy way is essential. We cannot consistently extend kindness and compassion to others if we fail to show those same qualities to ourselves.
Finally, I encourage you to read this last article about why a sense of independence matters. While independence is something we all value, life sometimes changes our plans in ways we never expected. That, perhaps, is life in a nutshell.
By Linda Hopkins, Parish Mental Health Ministry Coordinator